This Musing is LONNNNG overdue. In our lifetimes we experience not
only events that shape our times but, more importantly, people as well. It’s those very unique, never again
individuals that bring an enrichment and thus a realization of how fortunate we
were to have lived when we did. Such is
the case with Steve Bernard Cannon. He
will never be equaled.
Steve Bernard Cannon was born
in Michigan and grew up in the northeastern Minnesota's
Iron Range Town of Eveleth. He chose to
work in radio to avoid a life of working in the coal mines.
In addition to his brief sojourn at KGO in San
Francisco, his journey took him to radio stations in Mason
City, Iowa, and Minnesota stations in Stillwater, Bemidji and
Duluth. In the Twin Cities he worked at WLOL and at KSTP for 13 years. After
KSTP rid themselves of the Babe Ruth of radio personalities, WCCO immediately
put him behind their microphone where he remained as their afternoon drive time
host for the next 26 years. All totaled,
Cannon spent some 40 years entertaining Twin Cities listeners.
Cannon was a master of theater of the mind.
It was this precious element that allowed radio to once dominate
American psyche and entertainment. This
mastery made him the most talented radio personality of the era.
“The Cannon
Mess” and all the “lil’ Cannons” was
perfect for the end of any day, especially if it were stressful. “The Cannon Mess” Theme Song – “What D’Ya Mean
You Lost Yer Dog” - as performed by “Emile Stern and the Eveleth City Marching Band,” is still viewed with mystery, frustration and anger in that it never
received a Grammy Award.
Cannon dubbed himself the "king of the kilohertz, the prince of the airwaves.” The dulcet tones
of his rich baritone voice resonated from the “basement studio” where a single light with an on-off pull-chain hung from the ceiling by a little cord, as he guided us
down the “boulevard of broken hearts” (University Avenue - probably a reference to the
many fired by KSTP and Hubbard broadcasting).
“Good Neighbor to
the Northwest,” WCCO’s tag line designed as the stations
image builder, was often referred
to as the “Evil Neighbor.” The station was notable for running
what seemed like endless commercials. As
such, Cannon also dubbed his show the “planet
of the tapes” (“2001 commercials in the next 4
hours”) and often referred to the station
brain trust as the “crack
management staff.” If
there was anything about the station that irritated listeners, Cannon was aware
of it, and played with it to the sheer delight of his audience. It was also common knowledge that Cannon was
never pleased with the contracts that WCCO demanded he consider.
Then there were all those “lil’ Cannons.” They became the real stars of the
show. They were regular in studio
co-hosts that he bantered with.
Ma Linger was the aged, endearing, flirtatious sex kitten. Only Ma Linger thought
about sex more often than the average heterosexual American male. Ma once showed up in the studio wearing a
leather miniskirt, dark hose, four-inch, high-heel shoes, and a cute “little”
silk blouse. When asked why she was dressed
so provocatively, she told Cannon that she had a date that night. Her boyfriend, who was a good friend of Pooh
Richardson, was taking her to the Timberwolves game.
Morgan Mundane was the street-wise bookie and undisputed snooker
champion of the world. He hailed from
the college
of “Way-Back”
and was the editor of the “congressional sports record.” His Friday sports prognostications were, and
still are, viewed as legendary. The
weekly wisecracking predictions were always highlighted by
“America’s greatest
college football fight song” - “Fight on for Ole” which always evoked;
“a crick in the knee, a frog in the throat and a tear
in the eye” as performed by the Eveleth City Marching Band, with, as always, the“Genial Amile Stern wielding the baton.”
To this very day NO ONE knows for sure who Stan Brocanocowitz
was. Looks like we’ll never know.
Morgan: “Marv Albert had another press
conference in New York today,
with da
reporters screemin’ at ‘em”
Cannon: “So what did they ask him?”
Morgan: “So one of them says;” ‘So what do ya
think about da pink slip?’ “And Marv
says;” ‘I hope it fits.”
Backlash Larue was the over-the-top, ultra-effeminate men’s clothing and
civility consultant and commentator on current culture and trends. Backlash had a flare for the gaudy. Common
recommendations for attire included fur cuffs, pastel colored sport jackets
(purple, pink, chartreuse) and scarves – lots of scarves.
Cannon’s talent was so immense that there where those who never believed that these co-hosts where all Cannon voiced
characterizations that sprang from his incredibly talented vocal variety, radio
production expertise and fertile imagination.
We mustn’t forget Cannon’s
wife, “Nanook
of the Norge,” Morgan’s brother Maurice and his wife Mona and,
of course, their kids; Denise and De-nephew or “Hurley’s Hanging Garden.”
It is doubtful Cannon would find his way onto radio today. Cannon was fortunate to have lived at
precisely the right point in time. He
was perfect for the era. It was when personality radio ruled the air-waves. It was this era that allowed Cannon to take
advantage of his talents - his creativity and imagination all born from a
quirky off-beat human make-up. It was
when radio was the only place on earth where the proverbial square peg could
actually fit in a round hole. A program
director once told a fledgling broadcaster that he would never hire someone to do
a show if they had both oars in the water. Cannon certainly fit that description.
Early in his career Cannon was hired
as a morning announcer and salesman at the Stillwater, Minnesota radio
station. He had absolutely no interest
in sales. He took the job to hone his
skills behind the mic. He would do his morning show and then leave the station
to make his sales calls. Cannon found it
far more palatable to spend afternoons napping in his car at a local park. This
helped offset the sleepiness from the demands of early morning rising.
Cannon was a very private person. He would go to, sometimes, great lengths to
protect his privacy. He was most
uncomfortable around strangers and would often times be viewed as aloof or
arrogant because he was difficult, if not impossible, to engage. He meant no offense; he just couldn’t be who
he wasn’t.
His contract with WCCO clearly stated
he did not have to make Minnesota State Fair appearances. To do so, would require engaging fairgoers
(total strangers) in conversation and his self-consciousness naturally
precluded the use of all his co-hosts.
Cannon’s small windowless studio at
WCCO was once damaged by fire. As a
result, he was forced to do his show in the main studio. The staff at the radio station had to cover
the windows with paper so no one could view him as he worked on-air.
Eccentricity has long been a hallmark
of our greatest entertainers. Steve
Cannon was no exception.
Cannon
also had an intense side. He was
repulsed by deception and injustice. He didn’t hesitate to point them out on
both the national and local levels. Whether
you agreed or disagreed with him there were unmistakable qualities that consistently
resonated in his commentaries. He was a
big believer in “do unto others…”, compassion and fairness.
And
there were stories. Stories about people. Everyone from Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe
to many of the local personalities within the Twin Cities and Minnesota. Stories
about past experiences and bygone times and places. Stories about current activities and locales. They were marvelous.
Steve
Cannon encompassed the full gamut of personality radio. He managed all of this without ever uttering
a vulgarity or being mean-spirited or callous in any manner.
We lost Steve to cancer on April 6, 2009 at the age of 81. The loss still conjures up heartache. Just one more commentary by Morgan on Calvin
Griffith or “Da
Vi-Queens” is now out of the question. Yet remembering this extraordinary talent
also conjures up all the joy he brought into our lives and an exhilaration that
still resonates to this very day.
Cannon may have bragged “I got the money.” But we, his
nostalgic and forever grateful listeners have something far more valuable to
brag about – for we; got the memories.
