Golden Opportunity Being Squandered

We can’t go very long these days without bullying hitting our radar.  The media and concerned advocates for its eradication would have us believe it has reached epidemic levels within our society and culture.  However, the focus on how we should view this nasty behavior and the attendant irrational solutions offered should concern us every bit as much as bulling itself.  For if we do not get properly focused on how to deal with it, we will damage our children every bit as greatly, if not more so, than the psychological effects inherent in bullying.  

To move ahead sensibly, we must come to grips with a reality.  Bullying like so many other evils in our culture and society will never be eradicated.  It has been, and will always be, a source of pain and frustration.  We cannot – NONE OF US – prevent cruelty or unfair treatment from occurring in life.  It is an unavoidable reality of the human condition. 

Regarding this reality, we are making some very serious mistakes today.  We are focusing on the quick fixes for our kids.  By doing so we are impeding their long-term growth.  We are not encouraging and thus teaching the early stages of self-assurance and confidence.  Like all previous generations, our kids must be taught that by employing their own initiatives and resolve through their own creative thinking process and, most especially, courage are the best and only means of eliminating the menace.    

These lessons have previously been taught in the home and has always been an element of good, strong parenting.  That’s where it must begin and where it must be reinforced.  To be sure, teachers, churches, and most especially coaches and athletic competition can validate and further instill the proper lesson, but the ultimate responsibility remains with parents.

Two of the absurd notions today are that government and our schools can end this unsavory behavior and should be held accountable for doing so. These absurdities eliminate any opportunity for growth and maturity - a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY - to teach our young people how to deal with cruelty and rejection.  The government and silly legislations can play NOOO effective role in this developmental growth of our children.   

The next quick fix is our schools.  On that front we find the notion that if greater understanding regarding the ramifications of bullying are provided it will diminish and even possibly end the cruelty.  The example of the bruised apple is typically offered-up as a remedy.  It focuses on how bruises on the outside can turn the apple rotten on the inside.   It is believed that this additional knowledge will generate a social stigma around these acts creating the universal acceptance that they are revolting and unacceptable rather than humorous or “cool.”  What is absent here, and thus the disservice rendered, is that it fails to teach the kids that human beings have the ability to prevent such inner destruction from occurring.  Unlike an apple, we have the ability and the strength to believe in ourselves when no else does and that that strength will be needed and thus called upon many times in life.  We determine the level of damage done by bullying and not the bruises resulting from the cruelty. 

We also have a mountain of evidence over the decades that disproves the notion that eventually bullies will soften their aggressiveness if they understand the damage they are inflicting.  They don’t care about that.  Their only concern is in creating a lofty image and position for themselves through forceful, cruel and violent acts.  These forceful urges can only be quelled by the bully losing dominance through the embarrassment of defeat, and certainly not through adult driven psychological and behavioral modifications. 

Schools could best aid our children by practicing benign negligent.  This would encourage the kids to work it out amongst themselves unless forms of deadly violence (not just fist fights) becomes a threat.  

For years the argument was offered that women did no possess the emotional strength to function effectively in highly aggressive and competitive environments.  Ask women who has climbed the ladder of success in their industry or profession and many will relate horror stories of cruel and unfair treatment.  They will also tell you that no one rode in to save them.  They had to call upon their inner strength to secure the balance and peace of mind necessary to counteract this mistreatment as they marched forward and succeeded. 

~ Lola Church writing appears above

 Eleanor Roosevelt offered the irrefutable wisdom that applies to today’s bullying.  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Our refusal to teach this wisdom to our children is where we are failing them and is the GOLDEN OPPORTUNIY we seem content to squander today.